He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
