the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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