You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
