That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize