1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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