FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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