"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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