it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
