It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
