Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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