Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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