No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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