You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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