he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Houston, we have a blender
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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