Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
