alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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