So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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