guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
