to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
