Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
