the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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