so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
