Please, let me fuck your mom
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
