He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
