A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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