Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
