Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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