yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's always time for handjobs
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
