Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
