sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So drunk its hurt
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
