the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
