It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
