i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
