i don't like sucking hair
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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