Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
