I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
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Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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