Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
