I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
