He felt like a one man threesome
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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