tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize