After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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