allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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