Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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