No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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