Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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