Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will be naked everywhere
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
