Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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