I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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