We won't sleep together?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
