Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
