There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
