I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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