I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
