I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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