so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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