Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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