I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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