U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
