eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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