Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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