Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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