3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
