he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
