Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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