i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize