Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
