isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
