You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
