So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
