i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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