the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
