We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
