I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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